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The T3sk3y Defenestrator

Naked Pictures

Yeah, that title should make a nice Googlebomb. I can only imagine who is going to find my page now..

So, if you came here looking for pictures of stripped pinball playfields, you’re in luck! Here’s a little pinball porn (oops.. did it again..) for you:

So, what are we looking at? This is my Williams “Flash” mid-restoration about 3 weeks ago. I’ve stripped the playfield, then used a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser on it to remove ball swirls and gunk in the paint cracks. After that, I used my Treasure Cove Playfield Polishing Kit to give it a mirror shine. These are my secret weapons for making a junker look like new – and it’s very easy.

Since then, I’ve reassembled the playfield, replaced all rubber components, and replaced the old EM-style flipper mechanisms with more modern 2nd Generation mechanism. What a monster difference – it plays fast and mean like a modern machine now. For those that Googled their way here, here’s a link to the gory details of the flipper upgrade:

Flash 2nd Generation Flipper Upgrade

What’s left on Flash? Well, lots..

  • New power switch mechanism
  • Clean / polish all cabinet metal pieces
  • Fix dinged up wood on the head
  • Repaint head
  • Restore the coin door and wiring

More pictures coming soon.. along with an Elektra and a Flight 2000 update!

Top Eleven Reasons Geeks Can’t Sleep at Night

I can totally relate.. well, except for the coffee part..

Reasons Geeks Can’t Sleep

  • 11. Not because of caffeine. Just can’t stop thinking about coffee.
  • 10. Converting MP3 collection to OGG taking longer than you thought.
  • 9. Dorito crumbs on sheets cause unbearable itching.
  • 8. Borg costume needed redesigning because it just wasn’t realistic enough.
  • 7. Had to keep checking the torrent to make sure it was still downloading.
  • 6. Too scared to sleep after watching “Hackers” and knowing they can make more movies like it.
  • 5. MMORPG withdrawal causing uncontrolable shaking.
  • 4. Removed your bed to make room for the server rack.
  • 3. Years of living underground have made your eyelids translucent.
  • 2. Watched special edition of Star Wars and still pissed off over Greedo shooting first.
  • 1. Had to sell bed to buy new graphics card.

Eliminate the river

The river card, that is. Nothing good ever comes of the river card.

I’m talking about Texas Hold ‘em Poker, of course. Due to a bachelor party and a tournament with co-workers, I have had plenty of chances to play over the past week. All in all, I held my own and made more than I spent with two second place finishes and two third place finishes.

I cannot tell you how many times I got killed by the River card (that’s the 7th card, or the 5th shared card). Without thinking too hard about it, I can think of six times that I was anywhere to a little ahead to WAY ahead after the first six cards. When the River card hit, it was always one of about two cards that would save my opponent.

Here is the worst one:

This was Tuesday night at the Logic “Dog Days Of Summer” Poker Tournament VIII. The favorite hand was the King-Nine (or the “K9″). The tournament started with 11, I made the final two against Steve “Lucky Bastard” Lewis. Steve had about 9k in chips, I had about 8k.

I got dealt The Favorite Hand – a K-9. Steve led out the betting with $2k – about 25% of his stack. Steve had won several consecutive hands by power betting, so I had my suspicions about whether he had the hand or not. Steve’s generally a pretty square player, so I had to respect that he may have a hand. Based on the bet size and the K-9, it was a coin toss about whether to call or not. Since I was the large blind and already had $600 in the pot, I decided to call it.

The flop came out Q-9-9. BINGO!!!. That’s three nines for me. I remember saying in my head “Holy crap, I just won!”. I led off the betting with another $2k – because I really really really wanted him to call me rather than blowing him away with an all-in bet. He responded to my $2k with an all-in bet.

I seriously almost kissed him.

I quickly called the all-in bet and he turned white, then green when he saw that his K-Q only gave him a pair of queens and it was a sure loser to my three nines. For those of you calculating the odds, yes – he was way ahead before the flop. Also, the only cards that would beat me are one of the two remaining queens.

The turn card (or the 6th card) was a ten. This now raised the possibility of split pot if a Jack came up on the River. The River card was dealt and it was… a…

queen.

Son-of-a-@#$^%!!!!

A 9% chance of beating me, and he draws into a QQQ99 full house to beat my QQ999 full house. Un-freakin-believable. Well, that’s why they call it gambling!

Next tournament, the River card will be banned, I swear…

Need a brainbuster?

If you need some good mental stimulation – check out the movie Primer. It’s a -very- low budget sci-fi movie about time travel that was made for only $7000. Oh – by the way, it won an award at Sundance. It’s one of those movies like Memento or the Matrix – you really need to sit and discuss it afterwards to connect all the dots on what happened.

I’m not sure that your local video store will have it – but Netflix does. Others will too, I’m sure.

Highly recommended!

Where to play?

For those in the Minneapolis-St. Paul metro area, there’s a great web page to help feed your pinball addiction. It’s the pinball finder database, and it lists (and cross-references) which machines are at which locations around town. So, next time you are stuck in Blaine (God forbid) – you can ease the pain with a little Simpson’s Pinball Party at your local bowling alley.

Now, having said that – I really need to find my way to the north side to either the John Rose Oval or the Spring Lake Park amusement center to play a little Funhouse!

Twin Cities Pinball Database

Birthday present?

If anybody needs to get me a gift anytime in the near future..

T-shirt

Strange New Products: Liquid Ass

As a man with an adolescent sense of humor, I can think of oh-so-many uses for this:

Liquid Ass is a stink spray in which the maker says has an authentic “butt crack smell”. Hee hee hee… “butt crack smell”…

RAGBRAI Day 7 – 54 miles from West Union to Guttenberg

The last day of RAGBRAI started at dawn with the sounds of lots of riders already breaking camp. A groggy peek outside of our tent showed a steady stream of riders already heading out of town at 6 AM. Seriously, people start riding at 4 AM. That always seemed more like a ‘going to bed’ time than a ‘get up and bike’ time.

The forecast called for heat, sun, headwind, and hills – lots and lots of hills. We scrambled to get ready, slapped on a thick coat of sunscreen, and mounted the bikes at around 7. Two days of riding, a lot of sun, and not enough water or caffiene left me with the start of a screaming headache. A quick stop for Advil put things just right.

The start of the day’s ride called for a few miles of rollers with a long, steep downhill into Elgin. Immediately after Elgin, our biggest climb of the trip would bring us out of the river valley and back onto the bluff. We rolled over 30 miles an hour down into Elgin enjoying the cold breeze as it rushed by us. In Elgin, we took a quick break to fill water bottles and to use the portable biffys.

Please people, latch the portable biffy.

When you walk up to one with the ‘green’ indicator and open the door, there is NOTHING funnier than the surprised look on the occupant’s face when their peaceful little throne is suddenly looking at the outside world. Heh.

Soon, we were clenching just as bad as that poor soul as we saw the long climb out of Elgin. Somewhere on Day 6, I think I decided that I wasn’t too bad at climbing hills and that I did better when I charged up them. So, away I went. It’s hard to charge for 2 miles when it’s uphill the whole way. The nice part about charging up the hill is that you can stop and rest at the top and wait for the rest of the crew.

A simple little cruise took us into Gunder, a little Scandinavian village with a church and a bar. Yep, the two things needed to be an Iowan village. We partook in some Lefse and a couple of monster cookies before riding out of town.

On the way out of town, we noticed an especially bold group of cyclists getting rid of uh.. spare Gatorade. Did they bother to get into the cornfield? Nope. Side of the road. See, there really aren’t many man-made bathrooms along the route – but there are an awful lot of natural ones! 7′ tall corn obscures anyone. Every mile you see somebody laying their bike by the side of the road and making a beeline for the field. Note to self: Self, wash your corn-on-the-cob extra well next time!

The 7.9 miles from Gunder to St. Olaf started turning into more and more hills – you were either coasting down one or puffing up one. This leg at least went fast as we spent the time chatting with Tricia Englehardt – on her ~20th RAGBRAI. Another long, steep downhill brought us into St. Olaf. We got another snack (see a theme?) of chicken and pork sandwiches in the fire hall. We tried to get rhubarb pie for the 3rd consecutive day and got laughed at – apparently we were at least 3 hours late for that. Like I’ve always said – it’s the king of pie.

As hilly as the last leg was, it was just a warmup for the 8.7 miles from St. Olaf to Clayton Center. This had to have been the hardest leg of the trip – it was big hill after big hill. They’d bring you down a big hill just to shoot you up another. To make matters more interesting, it was starting to get hot and the headwinds were really picking up. We stopped for a short time in Clayton Center and kept rolling to Garnavillo to beat the heat.

Garnavillo was the last stop of the day and the ‘lunch’ town. In the center park, they had a large tent with a big church food line. Everything was ala carte and we ended up with $10 of food each by the time we got loaded up. We had beef sandwiches, pork sandwiches (with honey BBQ sauce), pasta salad, a big pickle, strawberry shortcake, and a beverage. Yum!

The homestretch was a 14.5 mile cruise to Guttenberg (pronounced GUT-en-berg, not GOOT-en-berg by the locals). The first 9 miles of that was up another BIG hill and then a long cruise into a stiff wind. I almost set off with only one water bottle, and Kermit forced me to haul another up the hill with me. Much as I hate to admit it, he was right. At the top of the hill, it was heaven to pour it over my head in the 90 degree heat.

The hill down into Guttenberg was extremely steep. It goes from the top of the bluff to the river valley and is marked on the map as “extremely dangerous”. We got held at the top while ambulances hauled away an injured rider – a not-so-subtle reminder of the dangers ahead. Once that cleared, a cop let us through one at a time.

Even riding both brakes, it was a struggle to keep the bike under 30 mph – and we could have done 50. There was a scary moment as a rider right behind us blew a tire near the bottom at 30 mph. Somehow he didn’t crash. He was a lot luckier than Team Wheel bus. Their team bus lost the brakes on the hill and careened out of control before crashing in a fiery wreck at the bottom. We didn’t see this until afterwards.

After riding through Guttenberg, the route took you right down to the river where you dip your bike tires into the river at the end. Entire teams were riding through town in formation to form up and pose by the water. It was very cool. Of course, lots of riders were riding their entire bike into the river.

Official daily stats from Day 7, as recorded by Heather “Lancette” Armstrong:

  • Average Speed: 12.81 mph
  • Max Speed: 33.7 mph
  • Total Distance: 56.47
  • Ride Time: 4:35:35

That’s it for this year’s coverage. We’ll be back bigger and stronger next year, but before then – we’ll probably need a new crew and a real team name. Our ideas (including our bad ones) are:

  • The Raging BuckFutts (Heather didn’t like this one for some reason)
  • Team HC – complete with a chicken-headed horse for a mascot
  • Team 667 – The Neighbors of the Beast
  • Team Frog – what we rode under this year
  • … okay, I admit – we still need help. Any ideas?

The complete photo archive is at: RAGBRAI XXXIII Gallery

RAGBRAI Day 6 – 57 miles from Cresco to West Union

Day 6 started very early for us – the wakeup call came at 6:00 AM. I guess that’s late for REAL RAGBRAI riders, but it’s a huge change for me. After the headwinds on Day 5, we wanted to roll early and try to beat them.

After our now-traditional PB&J bagel and trail mix, we rolled south out of Cresco. As soon as I sat on the bike seat, the memories of all 78 of Day 5′s miles were rudely brought back in the form of a rather tender booty. The 1″ of gel butt padding on the seat did its job admirably and it never got any worse during the day.

It was obvious from the start that today was not going to be a flat roll across the cornfields. The rolls started instantly out of Cresco and continued the entire day. By this time, I was starting to discover a hill climbing style that is more Jan Ullrich than Lance Armstrong – pick a big gear, pedal slow, plow up the hill. I’d race up the hill passing several – then get passed again waiting for the rest to catch up.

Our first break came in Protivin – a very Czech-influenced town that looked like it could be a suburb of New Prague. The Classic Renowns would have been right at home set up in the church yard playing toga rock for the biking masses. Multiple Oom-Pa-Pah bands were set up entertaining the riders as they passed through. This is where we first ran into Tony Wynorad – a good friend of Tad’s. Tony apparently does it every year.

After a quick stop at the coffee bus just outside of Protivin, we kept rolling to Spillville. Spillville gets the award for the town that really overachieved. They had been putting up signs all the way back to Cresco advertising their events. They hosted:

  • A petting zoo
  • Chicken poop bingo
  • Butt quarters
  • Pictures with “The sexy tractor” – a John Deere wearing a bra
  • Frozen t-shirt contest
  • … and much more!

It was good fun. We got a couple of pizza slices and made a brief stop at the petting zoo (in that order) on our way through town.

Apparently, in Iowa, it’s very popular to build towns in valleys. I can’t tell you the number of times we went down a big hill to a town, only to climb back out again once we went through. Spillville was our first introduction – our first serious hill waited just outside of town. None of the rest of the trip was even remotely flat. A 30+ mph cruise back down the hill while riding the breaks gave us a chance to rest a little as we rode through Ft. Atkinson.

Between Ft. Atkinson and Jackson Junction was the culinary high point of the trip. We stopped at the legendary Mr. Porkchop’s stand. Mr. Porkchop is an older hog farmer that drives a big pink bus and grills inch-thick pork chops over burning corn cobs. About every thirty seconds, he bellows out “Pork ChooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaAAAAaaaaappppssss!!!!!!!”. This usually starts a call and response by the riders. To really get the feel for Mr. Porkchops, you can hear him in action:

Pork Chop Call

This pork chop was the best thing I put into my mouth the entire weekend. It was tender, juicy, and had the consistency of prime rib. Sure, we were eating it at 10:30 AM – but we had 25 miles under our belts by then.

Our lunch stop was shortly afterwards at Waucoma – only 19 miles from the finish line for the day. We met our Blue Ribbon (the beer, not the award) support team in the bar an proceeded to find lunch. We enjoyed a sliced beef sandwich (what else?) under a tree by the dam in the city park.

It’s tough to pedal with a belly full of meat. It’s even tougher after a 2 hour break. It’s really really really tough when the last 20 miles are solid hills. That’s what happened. Many intermediate climbs and one long climb awaited us as we got close to West Union. The biggest hill of the day was right after the last rest stop in Douglas. By now, it’s mid-afternoon, sunny, and HOT. Lots of bikers are really enjoying Douglas’s beer garden. I really felt sorry for them trying to trudge up the big hill to West Union with a belly full-o’ beer.

We had no host family in West Union, so we had to find Dale and Randy in the campground. This looked like an impossible task until we checked the message board. There, filed under “F” (for Frog) was the following message:

Kermit: We are 100 yards downhill by the big smiley face flag.

Wow! What a relief! We could have spent hours looking around town trying to find them.

Showers that night were a very interesting experience too. In the high school, both the boys and girls shower rooms were used by the girls. The boys got to shower outside under open skies. Yep, really. They had 4 ‘shower trailers’ with no roofs clustered into a semi-circle against the school. You paid $4, collected a towel, and headed to where the wagons were circled. Strange.

That night, we went into town again trying to find food hoping we’d do better than the night before. We succeeded in spades – we each had great food. I had a walking taco ( a bag of Doritos ripped open with taco meat, lettuce, tomatos, sour cream, cheese, and salsa poured in), Heather had one also. Kermit had some great pasta. We ate it all sitting on the front yard of the courthouse listening to a variety band.

BTW: Here’s the cutest shot of Heather sporting her new “RAGBRAI look”:

Again, we crashed fairly early after spending some time shopping in the RAGBRAI marketplace. We’ve got 54 miles and nothing but hills ‘n headwind awaiting us on Day 7.

Our “official” daily stats from Day 6, as collected by Heather Pacesetter:

  • Average Speed: 13.41 mph
  • Max Speed: 33 mph
  • Total Distance: 59.17
  • Ride Time: 4:43:24

The complete photo archive is at: RAGBRAI XXXIII Gallery

RAGBRAI Day 5 – 78 miles from Northwood to Cresco

Yes, I’m skipping days 1-4. That’s because I didn’t ride them. So, we’re going to pick things up in Northwood, IA – 10 miles south of the Minnesota border and near Albert Lea.

The day started later than expected – and after a some trail mix and a bagel we were on our way at about 7:30. Our first stop was about 10 miles out of Northwood at the Farm Boys booth – home of great breakfast burritos. They were huge – 3/4 pounds – and delicious! Unfortunately, we had to wait 30 minutes to get one.

Day 5 is our longest ride – 78 miles. On the upside, it’s the flattest of the bunch with an average climb grade of 0.38% and a total climb of 1564 feet over the day. It was a perfect day to be on a bike – 78 degrees and no wind in the morning. We made pretty good time but still pulled into the meet town – Riceville – about an hour late. This was due to a lot of stops for liquid and snacks in St. Ansgar and Stacyville.

Lunch in Riceville was delicious – a ribeye sandwich along with Dutch apple pie and homemade ice cream. We weren’t able to catch up with our support team since they took off before we arrived. As we pulled out of Riceville for the remaining 33 miles, we noticed a pretty good wind out of the southeast. This was a bad omen since we were headed southeast.

The next twenty miles from Riceville to Lime Springs went very fast – the roads were smooth and we had a good tailwind for 7 miles. During that stretch, we averaged over 20 mph. A minor scare happened in Saratoga when a woman went down abruptly right in front of Susan. We’re not sure why she crashed – alcohol may have been a factor. We were able to narrowly avoid the crash, but just barely.

After a long break in Lime Springs, we set off on the last 13 mile leg for Cresco. Our legs were tired – but it seemed like it would be an easy cruise to the end. The cutest thing seen was a small raven-haired girl selling lemonade holding a sign saying “Please help me buy my pony”. This last stretch took us through Amish country – there were many Amish families gathered to watch the ride go by. Many were working in their yard bailing hay by hand, tending to their animals, and doing chores. The final run into Cresco – a 5 mile leg straight into the headwinds – turned out to be just as tough as the 73 miles before it. We struggled through the wind and up the first small hills we had seen that day to make it into our camp.

Our host family was a huge improvement over the night before with 11 acres of property and beautiful gardens:

We cleaned up and headed into downtown Cresco for dinner. Luck wasn’t with us – we seemed to get the few bad things to eat. It started with undercooked spaghetti, went on to bland gyros, and extended to mushy overbuttered corn for Heather. Each were discarded before finishing – and Heather is very non-picky. I had a pretty bad turkey wing and some warm watery pink lemonade. Fortunately, this would be the only bad food of the trip. We were able to meet up with Jeff & Tricia Englehart along with Travis and Dawn plus their kids – all Kermit’s best friends from high school.

We ended the night by getting lost walking back to camp. We downed some Advil to sooth the sore muscles and turned in for the night pretty early because there was 57 miles and some real hills awaiting at 6 the next morning.

Our final stats of the day (as recorded by Heather):

  • Average Speed: 14.16 mph
  • Max Speed: 24.9 mph
  • Total Distance: 80.91
  • Ride Time: 5:58:57

Pictures of the trip are up on my SmugMug site:
RAGBRAI XXXIII

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